The Remote

           

         
         At first I was going to basically write a bull shit post that was about nothing because i figured no one in my group would even bother looking at it. We've had such a crazy bonding week that I know they're as tired as I and don't want to read any more than I care to write. But then I thought to myself what about all the rest of my adoring fans, who revolve their weeks around my witty words of wisdom and alluring acalades of advice... not to mention my stunning alliterations right? I would be depriving the world of the ravings of yet another great philosophizor (new word) who is bent upon making the world a better place for all. Well so much for not bull shitting... Anyway I decided to write about something short but important all the same. I was going to write about how men and women can't be friends, but that's to complicated and has way many more points to cover than I care for. That's a post that will be among the ranks of "sex" and "romance". however that s not the case now. I've decided to write about something that all men can appreciate and all women can learn from: the television remote.
           Ah the TV remote. The golden scepter of entertainment, that rules the leisure time of all men. With it he can control all things around him. He makes his own destiny with this great wizards staff. By everything I mean nothing and by destiny I mean the amount of time he wastes between meals. I mean lets be real right now guys why do we need the damn remote all the time. I mean its a little black box that sends out digital signals to our TVs. Maybe its because we like to click things. Men have this unnecessary need to tinker with everything. It becomes a real pain in the ass when you in class or at a fancy restaurant and you have to sit there stare someone in the eyes and talk to them. Or maybe it has something to do with that masculine solitude I talked about yesterday. We can just pull into our own world and block out everyone else mindlessly changing station after station until we finally escape this life and find ourselves in another that's more exciting and more free of all thought.
           Ha
           No we like the remote because it means that someone else can't have it. It gives us power over the TV. We can do what we want and no one is going to stop us. Its that sense of power that we want. we control what others are going to watch and no one is going to control us. Life doesn't have many of these moments where a man can have the control. And that's the way our society is set up. A man isn't really a man unless he has control of something. It's true. It isn't good to be at the bottom of a power ladder. I mean why not? it means less decision making less people angry when you mess up and less logistical stress. But no in our society men need to have control of somebody in order to be a real man. The CEO controls the managers, the managers control the supervisors, the supervisors control the grunt man, the grunt man controls his family. This a really old and really outdated system that is slowly fading. However this is still the underlying idea of most family lives. Men who have no control of anything, not even their family, are looked dow upon and humiliated.
          So ladies, I guess that explains why you should allow you man to control the remote. You can stop his humiliation infront of all of society....

Hahahahahaha i really hope my girlfriend saw that. Though it was the biggest load of shit I have ever churned out I must say that I put up a good argument. But no seriously ladies the reason why we control the remote to the TV is because we want to watch something on TV. all you have to do is ask and we'll give it to you. If we don't its because we like what we're watching and we know all of you will just change the channel to project runway or whatever that shit is. So for your future advice ladies: guys love the girl that knows when the game is on. So turn it to that. Because if you let your man watch what he wants he will literally do anything else you ask him.

Marrige/ Commitment

 

Well unfortunately compared to last weeks nail biter this week will seem pretty dry to my most of my loyal followers (all four of you).  I'm quite tired and i have 2 very important tests for tomorrow, and Mr. Procrastinator decided to enjoy the nice weather and wait til the last minute to do everything.  So my witty banter and delightfully charming phrases will probably be lacking their normal pizzazz (which by the way is an awesome word which i would encourage you all to include in your everyday speech when possible). So with that out of the way let us get on with it. So I can't tell you the amount of times I have turned on my TV and heard what is perhaps one of the most unfair and partially true myths about men: That we can't commit. Well that's only half true. Most men can't commit UNLESS its the right person. Believe it or not when it comes to marrige and commitment men tend to be pickier than women. Which is interesting because biologically it should be the other way around.
      Now when i say commitment I don't mean as in a sexual partner. That's something that biologically men are more inclined to not commit too. And a lot of the time they don't. If your just having sex with a guy then don't expect the ring any time soon. However when it comes to dating that's a different story. I have always gone with the philosophy that when I date a girl for a prolonged period of time (more than a couple dates), there is a potential that girl could be my wife someday. Now I'm not gonna start saving for the diamond, nor will I go crazy stalker boyfriend; that my dear friends is what we call creepy. No that's not what I'm saying at all. However society gives us this perception that all a guy wants out of a relationship is sex. And once that stops then they will get bored and leave. Not true at all. Many guys, I would even go as far as to say most guys, want relationships to last. They want to feel loved and be loved back, even when they don't show it. Romantic love outside of sex is looked upon as fantasy in our society. I've talked about it before and I'll say it again. When I am dating a girl I'm basically seeing whether or not our relationship will work out enough that we could get married and spend our entire lives together. However this is a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaally long process. It takes most men years before they know whether or not that person is the right one.  That is why i said the myth about commitment is half-true. It takes men slower to commit to a woman not because they want to have sex with everything on the planet as society would like us to believe, but because they want to make sure they have it right the first time and make sure that both they and their partner will be happy in the future. Actually in my opinion I actually think its a lot more endearing and respectful towards women.
       Now as far as marriage is concerned this myth is another one of those half-truths. The joke is that marriage is a prison. And this is true and not true. It's not true, at least for the reasons that society gives. Society tells us that men hate marriage because they can't fuck other women. That's just not the case. Most men hell 99.999999% of men love their wives to death and would never dream about cheating on them. No that's not why marriage is a prison. Men don't like marriage for another reason... not a better reason but a different one.  They hate the fact that they are now forced to care about someone other than themselves. This tends to be more difficult for men because in our culture men have one responsibility and that's to themselves.  The ideal woman in our society's view takes care of the men (i.e. mothers, girlfriends, grandmothers). Their "role" if you will is caretaker. The Men of our society are really only responsible for themselves. Biologically this trend is actually sound. Males tend to segregate themselves from pack's outside of mating season. However human's are more than just animals. We have a greater capacity than normal instinct and I find it repulsive that the media and society degrades us to that level. I think, I I believe most men will agree, that marriage is a blessing despite the responsibility and for some of us taking on that responsibility is an act of the greatest affection and love you can show towards a woman. So we're not all complete pigs believe it or not.  When a man gets married its after lots of thought and consideration. One that ring is on his finger he is the happiest man alive however you mark my words; he has found the woman of his dreams and In my mind nothing else in the world matter's more than that.

SEX!

           Well I have finally decided to traverse the topic that everyone was waiting for: sex! That's right I'm going to tell a real guys view of sex. And what I say will surprise you. Needless to say you will most likely read this entire blog because by the nature of our society we enjoy sex and all things related to it.  I guess that's good for the viewer ratings. Just hope I don't get some creepo looking up porn commenting what he's going to do later...Pervert. So this is probably a bad idea. Before I start I want to say that for anybody who is interested in writing a blog post on sex and is looking for pictures to add to that blog, typing sex into Google images is a very bad idea... that being said.

only partially true... the toilet aiming cell is much smaller and
the TV remote control thing takes up more than sex

           In my opinion there is no greater myth surrounding men than our pathological need for sex. It irritates the hell out of me to watch TV and always see men being these horny being that are controlled by sex.  Likewise I hate seeing how its only men who want sex. As all you ladies know men aren't the only ones after sex: women want it just as much if not more (at certain times of the month). Now I know this is an uncomfortable subject for lots of people. I'm not expecting lots of positive responses and actually I have a feeling my professor will most likely be speaking to me after he reads this but oh well... as anyone who has read my blogs before will know I'm not one to sensor my writing so why should I on this monumental edition. Well here goes!
            Well the first thing I want to bust is the myth that annoys me the most. Men do not have sex on their mind all day every day, or at least no more than women do. Yes sex is a big deal but that is just our natural instincts telling us to procreate. Women feel it too. You have to realize though that men can and will go without sex if they have too. We're not incapable. I'm getting quite sick of this idea that men are unable to control themselves when it comes to sex, as if we're unable to function without it.  It is just our culture that pushes it upon us. Men in our society today are expected to ave sex by the time they get to college if not earlier.  And those who haven't are looked down upon and often made fun of. But newsflash people: having sex doesn't make you a man despite what the movies say.
            Now I know shocking; I'm a college student and I'm sex isn't everything! Well if that's what your thinking then you're just proving my point. We've been taught since even before high school by the movies, TV and other media sources that we need sex and have to have it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no crazed conservative that believes that sex should be strictly for the procreation of children within a marriage.  On the contrary I feel that is archaic and stupid. I'm for birth control and all that as well. However I do have a bit of a problem with the idea that sex is emotionless, which brings us to our next myth: not all men see sex as a mindless emotionless way to get off.
            Call me old fashion but I feel sex should be given to people you care for deeply and not at will. and this is a view point that has gotten me ridiculed greatly, especially my senior year and high school. I gave up having sex because my girlfriend is one of those girls that believes one's virginity is a valuable thing not to be given lightly. And believe it or not i respect that because I love her.  She is someone I care deeply for and would happily have sex with. But I have chosen to respect her boundaries because their are more important things in a relationship.  Like her I don't have sex with random people. The women I have sex with I create a bond with before hand. I respect women and feel that to just fuck and chuck is one of the greatest insults you can do to a woman. It's as if you are saying you are no more than a tool to get off with. There are many women that are this way with guys. I guess my point is that it doesn't matter if your male or female your opinion of sex and who you have it with is up to you and how you were raised. So all those guys out there who sleep around with everyone... yeah your actually just a huge dick who has no sense of real self and would rather conform to the social norm than make any real decisions...
           Wow sorry bout that. Those guys always annoyed me in high school. Anyway. So time for myth three. So the one where guys are selfish and would rather feel pleasure themselves then make the woman orgasm: BUUUUULL SHIT! BUUUUUULL SHIT!!! This is about to get awkward up in here but for me personally making my girl go crazy it sooooo much more stimulating than just her letting me use her body to get off. And I would be highly surprised if no other guy felt the same way. Sex is a two way street and it should be shared not given. This ties in partially with the love thing I said before. If you love someone you want them to feel as good as you, so it stands to reason that during sex you find pleasure in their pleasure right? I enjoy hearing my girlfriend saying she likes what I'm doing or that it feels good. Not only does it get me going but I also know that because she love me she will reciprocate. The media would like us to think that sex is for personal pleasure but I beg to differ. Sex is 2 parts physical, 1 part mental as far as I'm concerned. A big part of that mental area of sex is taking pleasure in your partener's pleasure.

Mclovin get it in
(courtesy Sony Pictures [USA])

            Sooooo now time to get really awkward: What do guys like? I went around and asked my guy friends from both here and home as well as some girls I know what they have been told. So just to let you know many of these are not necessarily my opinions. To begin I want to stress again that sex is not completely physical. A guy believe it or not does have to get into the mood. Biologically it is much easier for most men than most women, but it still takes some work. Often being in the proximity of of a woman that he finds attractive will get a guy going. If you indicate you want it that usually does the trick too. Guys like to be teased but too a degree. Tease to little the guy won't be quite as engaged because you didn't give him enough to time to rev up. To long and you risk him either losing interest or being to rough and hurting you. What women have to realize is that it is very difficult for a man to control himself when he gets into a sexual state. The testosterone flows through his body in enormous amounts and blocks out other emotion causing hormones from getting to the brain.  They literally become drunk with passion and can't think straight. It can even effect our senses which become heightened. This is because testosterone doesn't just control our sexual readiness it also is we use when we fight. This can make men highly aggressive and is usually the cause of rapes. It's why rape is more commonly committed by men than women.  But I want to say this. Just because it is difficult for men to control themselves it is not impossible and can and should be exhibited. In other words it's no excuse.

love the kids face

           So what else to guys like. Guys like closeness but they like contact as well.  The more places you touch a man the better it will feel for him.  Again awkward but while missionary position is considered girly many guys like it because it gives them the physical contact other positions might not. Now for all those girls wondering why guys are so interested in your... shall we say.. "girl parts."  Simple: we don't have them and our society has named them taboo. In many cultures such as the nomadic tribes of Africa, or Tribes of Native Americans in the Amazon, women walk around topless and it doesn't really turn men on. Again its a mental thing. according to western civilization boobs are bad (my left ass cheek they are). As far as your vagina goes its the same sort of thing. we don't have them. Also they are our main source of pleasure. Biologically that's where our body wants to put our penis so it stands to reason that we would like them. As far as a girls ass I really have no explanation: we just reeeeeeeeeeeeeally like them :D
            So I guess if you have read this far you weren't put off by the awkward comments which is good. This is just the tip of the.... there are so many more things I could write about referring to sex. I really want to hear your questions or responses. I know mostly not many people feel comfortable talking about this. I also know that many people don't really know how they feel about sex. It's not something you grew up experiencing. Its something you had to figure out on your own. If any guys have anything to say about this i urge you to add it. And if you girls have any comments or questions about how guys view sex I would love to answer them. This stuff doesn't ,make me uncomfortable and I think its good to talk about. hope you enjoyed my short overview on sex and if your just some perv looking to get one off, I'm actually quite surprised you read this far and hope you are rethinking your life choices... because jacking off to a crappy block about dudes is both pathetic and highly strange.

Next week...
Marriage/Commitment

Drinking 2

not drunk but funny

     
      Alright time to put theory into practice. So you followed the rules and had a good night. But now for some deeper analyses... why do we drink? Why is the use of alcohol so popular among men all over the world? What sort of things do men associate with alcohol? These are the questions that we never ask ourselves but have relevance every time we drink. There is a reason behind men's use of alcohol that is different than women's. Namely its that we consume more and on different occasion.
         Alcohol has a very long and very interesting history. Alcohol consumption dates back to the dawn of civilization when the ancient Sumerians would brew beer. Different civilizations developed different forms of alcohol, based on the popular crop of the region they developed in. The Sumerians had beer because they grew lots of wheat as did the ancient Egyptians.  In Greece and Rome the drink of choice was wine. It was used in almost every major cultural practice, from holidays to religious rituals. They even had a God devoted to wine. Alcohol consumption and partying was a big part of live in the ancient cultures especially in Greece and Rome.  Alcohol was used extensively and was considered a gift from the gods that allowed humans to have happiness and fun.  No one is sure how it's use began but that it was a very common practice in the ancient world. It was a medium for social events. the most common example of this was the Roman symposia.  The syposia were basically giant drinking parties that allowed only rich men to attend. The symposia however were centers of political, business and sexual transaction. The majority of major deals were made in the symposia, and all because of the shared practice of alcohol consumption.
         In medieval Europe the consumption of alcohol became the most popular form of drinking because the drinker could be shore of its ripeness. Meads and beers became the primary drink because milk would sour and clean drinking water was difficult to come by especially in large cities like London or Paris. The creation of taverns during this time served more or less the same purpose of the symposia. These taverns were meeting places where men could exchange business, look at the local array of women and socialize.  The taverns of the middle ages had less of an edge as the symposia and were more focused on relaxation periods.  This tavern culture was popular all the way through the colonial period where the tavern was the social center of the town. Much of the planning and ideology of our own Revolution was created and developed in the taverns of small towns and cities, where men would come together to drink and share ideas.
         While alcohol can be used for friendly socialization we must also remember that it can have a more sinister element to it as well. The Saloons of the Wild west are a good example of this. These places were centers for criminals and outlaws. The people that hung around these areas often used alcohol in a negative way getting prostitutes drunk or conning out drunken ranch hands. Drunken violence was very common and many historians believe that half of the violence in the old west stemmed from the abuse of alcohol. Another common example of this are the old speak-easy's of the Prohibition period. These places were underground bars often owned and run by the mob. The funds that were raised by the abuse of alcohol often went to organized crime that created violence, murder and chaos.  Many of our countries most notorious criminals (Al Capone, Bugsy Malone) came out of these speak-easy's and some of the countries most hanious crimes of all time, like the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, were born from these mobs.  All of this fueled by men's need to drink alcohol.

       
           So why do we drink. Well that's simple enough to answer... because its a cultural thing. Alcohol is the only socially acceptable recreational drug in almost every society. It is something that is associated with happiness and relaxation.  Modern views on alcohol use is that it is not only something that is acceptable but expected in social situations for adults. Drinking is considered a passage into adulthood. The reason why most people drink or started drink, though most may not admit it, was because it is associated with being an adult and by drinking you are an adult.  The problem is that when you are younger and first beginning to drink we don't know our limits and end up drunk. The feeling is so foreign and makes us feel so good that we want to emulate it. That is why in most young societies (aka college) people ten to get shit-faced. Most adults tell you that they don't drink to get drunk but because it is the socially necessary thing to do. At a certain age getting shitfaced isn't cool nor appealing and instead drinking is done because it is what one is supposed to do and they avoid heavy drinking at all costs.  Lets be really the men that we consider the most mature are the ones who don't get really drunk in social situations.