Drinking 1

          

 Well this is a post that is sure to get me into trouble. So before I go into this I want to say that "I don't drink never have and won't until I reach the proper legal age (...), everything in this post is theoretical and not the actual experience of the author (mhmm)"
           The first time I drank was in Cancun, Mexico where I had gone on vacation with a friend and his family (they shall remain nameless for legal purposes).  I have been around alcohol my entire life so don't get me wrong I was well aware of what it could do, and of course had the occasional glass of wine, coming from a primarily Italian family.  However Cancun was the first place I actually got drunk.  In a week i had gone through an intense program learning how to drink, what to drink and what happens when you don't drink  the right way.  The family I went down with were all experienced drinkers.  My friends father ( we'll call him Mr. S) was a rather large Irishman, with the liver of a God.  He told my parents what would be going on down there and to my surprise they gave this reaction: better to learn from someone like Mr. B who knows what to do and how to do it safely than experimenting in college and dying. I am very thankful they took that opinion. When we got down there Mr. B gave me and the other boy who had come down with us a drink and began what he called basic training for partying. He gave us a serious of rules to remember as a man when we drink. This is what I am going to teach you today. This topic is very broad and therefore will take along time to discuss. This week I'll give you the basic rules of drinking for men. Next week I'll discuss how we can put these into practice and better yet why we should.

1. Drink LOTS of WATER!!!!!!!!
    This was the first and most important thing Mr. B taught me. Water is basically your tie to life when you aredrinking. It sobers you up, and it stops the hangover. Water dilutes the alcohol in your system which allows you to think easier. While most people might find it fun to get wasted no one actually enjoys it enough. The other purpose of water is hydration. Alcohol takes the place of water in your cells and without that water you can become very sick. That is really all a hangover is. Your body gets dried out to the point where it is dangerous. By drinking water you are replenishing the supply and taking away the likelihood of a hang over the next day. And of course the final reason to drink water is that it makes you piss. Alcohol is a toxin... whether you admit it or not it is not something that your supposed to have in your body especally in large doses. That is why your body reacts the way it does. By drinking lots of water you force yourself to  pee out those toxins.

2. Don't get sloppy.
     Its ok to have fun but there comes a point.  No one likes to be that guy that is so drunk he is falling over and is unintelligable. Hell no one likes that guy let alone likes to be that guy.  Its not cool nor mannly to get so drunk your friends have to escort you home. Another problem is that when you get to that point you are volatile. No one can tell how your going to react or what your going to do. And the worst part is that you have no control. That can be dangerous not just for you but for those around you.  Get a nice buzz going maybe get a little tipsey but don't be the guy passed out with a penis drawn on your face.

3. Know your limit.
      This goes along with the don't be sloppy thing. You need to know the point where you will pass from tipsey to drunk to hammered. You have to be able to gauge how much you can drink and when to stop. This is one of the most difficult things for beginner drinkers (aka freshmen) to understand. There are certian things you need to factor in if you are going to drink to help you predict that limit. Heavier people can drink more than thin people, more experienced people more than less experienced, men more than women. Sometimes even race is a factor. However the only way to really know is to experiment. Your going to make mistakes and your going to get drunk and probly puke your first couple times. The key is to do it with people you trust and learn from your mistakes quickly.

4. Stop when it is safeest not necessarily when you want to.
         This is a big thing for unexperienced drinkers. Sometimes its hard to gauge when you have had to much. So you don't know when you are at or past your tolerance point. You don't realize that you aredrunk because you don't understand what it feel like.  You will continue to drink until you puke or do something really stupid.  Another problem is that once you begin to drink it is very difficult to stop until it is too late. You keep pounding down drinks because you don't feel it. If your friend or boy/girlfriend are telling you its time to stop listen to them.  Likewise if you know you've reached your point don't let your friends pressure you into drinking more.

5. Best cure for a hangover: drink more.
     A hangover is just withdrawal.  Its your body reacting to the lack of alcohol. Like any other drug it fucks with your body so that you feel crappy without it. So best way to get rid of it is to drink more! you give your body what it craves helping you to feel much better.  That's why common cure for hangovers like bloody-marys or spiked coffees have alcohol in them. However you have to be careful with this. If you do this to often your body will begin to become addicted to the alcohol, and this is extremely dangerous.

6.  Pace yourself.
     Going along with the whole don't get sloppy and know your limit, pacing yourself is extremely important. Having 7 drinks in one hour will get you more fucked up than 13 drinks in 7 hours. Pacing yourself gives you the ability to have a consistent buzz so that you will remember your night, where as getting very drunk very fast will make you sloppy and most likely black out.

7. Blacking out isn't cool.
     Despite what the media would have you believe blacking out  really isn't that cool. It leads to a wasted nigh. If you had a lot of fun you won't know or remember it because you blacked out. If you keep a constant buzz on then you will remember in the morning the fun you had last night. The other thing is that you don't know what is true or isn't true. Most likely your buddies who you went with will make shit up and you can't verify because you don't remember.

8.  Don't be caught with your pants down.
      The basic principle of everything is that what goes in must come out at some point. Make sure that your near someplace where you can deposit whatever it is exactly that comes out. Preferable this is a bathroom, however the trashcan is always a good spot as well. No one wants to be the guy that pukes all over the floor, because either your cleaning it up with a mop or if you don't know the person who owns the building/apartment you'll be wiping it up with your face.  Also remember that public urination is now and has always been illegal.

9. Don't get caught with your shoes on.
     The rule of thumb is that if a guy passes out with his shoes on his is free game to fuck with.  It is perfectly acceptable to draw on his body any sort of picture (or genital) of your choosing. If you are so drunk that you pass out without taking off your shoes, then you deserve what you get. Teabagging is perfectly acceptable in this instance as is ass to face maneuvers such as face farts, or my personal favorite goat pictures (where you goat the passed out guy and take a pic of it. Yeah this might come across as strange to most people however as any guy knows we do it all the time and it is actually funny as shit.

10. Keep your hands to your self.
       The biggest problem with guys who get sloppy is that they touch everything, especially when it comes to women. Alcohol makes you more ballsy, so you do things you wouldn't normally do. I know guys who will walk up to a girl and grab her ass when there drunk who would never have done so sober. Guys tend to be very over-zealous when they are drunk. Lots of guys will think a girl is into him when really she is trying her best to get away. You open yourself up to many many problems when you start grabbing a girl: fights, getting kicked out of the party, even jail for sexual assault. These are not scenarios that you want to get yourself into.  When you get drunk you think with your dick and not your brain. This can get you into the issue i just mentioned. For me I refuse to drink if there will be girls around because I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend, and while I'm not a horny drunk I also know that if a girl makes a pass at m I don't have the reasoning power if I'm shit faced to recognize what I'm doing is wrong.  I instead take upon the role of caretaker when I go out. Coming from a very Italian household, I look out for the girls I'm with. If one of my friends is having troubles with you because you drunk and are getting to handsy, I will step in and you will get punched. I'm not the only guy like this so the best advise would be to just lay off.

11. Keep a condom on you at all times.
        While you might not be planning on having sex, like I stated before guys tend to get horny when they're drunk. It's better to be prepared with a condom, than to go in raw and risk all sorts of STDs or becoming a daddy... and as I always say: no one wants to be a daddy until you want to be a daddy.  Now whether or not you end up using a condom is up to you, however it is considered rape if you don't and she reports you. Just sayin

12. There is no such thing as a "woman's drink"
       Everyone has their tastes and you have to respect that. Just because you don't want to take a straight shot of Jack doesn't make you less of a man. Nor does having a margarita when its offered. This is a big social stigma; that if a drink has fancy colors or fruit in it, its too girly. This isn't always the case. Now for me, I don't like these drinks because I like to taste the alcohol. It lets me know how much I've had and whether or not I should stop. If I can't taste a shot of Everclear then I have a problem. Another thing is beer. You aren't more masculine because you can chug a beer in 3 sec. Beer isn't a man's drink per se but it tends to be drank more by men than women. So I guess what I'm saying is that drinking a "chick" drink doesn't mean your less manly, nor does taking a straight shot without a chaser more so. It is how you handle the alchol you drink that establishes how macho you are. If one margarita gets you sloppy, but  a girl has taken 5 shots and barely has a buzz... well then that's problem.

13. Enjoy yourself
      Drinking is something you do for fun. If you go into it with a bad attitude or for the wrong reasons it will only make things ten times worse. When you drink drink with others and have a good time, not by yourself in a dark room.... we cal those people alcoholics where I'm from.  Likewise for you non-drinkers, don't be hatin. If you go out with people who drink don't fall into peer pressure if you don't want to but don't be the stick in the mud either. There are various grades of drinks and having one beer as a guy will do little if nothing at all. Live life a little. Don't nag on people for drinking unless they are getting bad. If that is the case take them home lay them to bed and then go back out and enjoy yourself. Drinking I meant to be fun.  If you don't drink I'm not saying you won't enjoy your time, but everything is better with a little alcohol in ya.


          So these are the rules I live by. I consulted my friends and we all agreed that if you follow these rules it can be very easy to have a good time. Next week I'll discuss more of the cultural role drinking plays in men's lives. Mr. B taught me a lot and through his teaching I am able to enjoy my drinking experiences without hurting myself. I never had a bad time drinking in college because I knew what to do. Hopefully with these rules you too can enjoy your drinking experience this State Patty's day. And remember be safe and be cool.